Speaking Truth with Care
anudvega-karaṁ vākyaṁ
satyaṁ priya-hitaṁ ca yat
svādhyāyābhyasanaṁ caiva
vāṅ-mayaṁ tapa ucyate
Austerity of speech consists in speaking words that are truthful, pleasing, beneficial, and not agitating to others, and also in regularly reciting Vedic literature.
— Bhagavad Gita 17.15
Have you ever come across someone who pridefully states, “I just give it to people the way it is”? That’s often a shortcut for, “I don’t care whether it hurts others or not; I speak what’s on my mind.” Or perhaps you are the person who believes that speaking your unfiltered truth is a gift to the world.
Lord Krishna, in the Bhagavad Gita, invites us to consider a different path. What if you had the courage to speak your truth with care? Would that not be a greater act of kindness?
The Courage to Speak Our Truth
“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or, as we are conditioned to see it.”
— Stephen R. Covey
Approaching human interactions with this lens brings humility into our hearts. It reminds us that our "truth" is often just our perspective. Still, it is vitally important to express ourselves, as these voices remind us:
"If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you don't bring forth what is within you—what is within you will destroy you." — Jesus Christ
"Our lives begin to end the moment we become silent about things that matter." — Martin Luther King Jr.
“The root of the word courage is cor—the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant ‘to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Courage is a heart word. Be brave. Love hard.” — Brené Brown
If we compromise on our truth, we will make people pay one way or the other through resentment or disconnection. So, how do we bring forth our truth in the world safely and effectively? Consider this maxim:
“If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful?”
— Oscar Auliq-Ice
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which beautifully helps to apply the principle of "austerity of speech" from the Bhagavad Gita, provides us with three limbs of nonviolence—courage, truth, and love—to serve as our guiding light.
Integrating Love
“Whenever you have truth, it must be given with love, or the message and the messenger will be rejected.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
We have full influence over our intention when approaching conversations. While how our words impact another person is ultimately beyond our control, we can take concrete steps to increase the likelihood that our message lands well.
Using the four components of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)—observations, feelings, needs, and requests—we can exercise the courage to speak our truth with love:
Observations (not judgments): Through expressing pure observations, we practice “satyam” (truth). Instead of a judgment like, “She excluded me,” shift to just the facts: “I did not hear my wife ask for my opinion on where we should eat dinner.”
Feelings and Needs (not blame): Instead of expressing thoughts that put people on the defensive, like “She’s so controlling,” try expressing your internal landscape. “I feel hurt because I value inclusion and togetherness when we make decisions.”
Requests (not demands): Instead of coming from a place of fear and resorting to demands ("Do this or else"), make clear, doable, and positive NVC requests. Convert “Don’t be so independent-minded” to, “Would you be willing to check with me about my preferences the next time we plan a dinner date?”
Courage, Truth, and Love
Words are windows, or they’re walls,
They sentence us, or set us free.
When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.
— Dr. Marshall Rosenberg
The real test of our spirituality lies not in the rigor of our meditation on the mat, or our ability to recall scriptural verses, but in how the "love light" shines through us in the mundane, human interactions that make up our daily lives.
